What Makes Life Meaningful?

Have you  lost something lately? That could be a job, a friend, a family member, or a marriage. Loss leads to a cycle of grief that can overwhelm people.

The answer to responding to grief is this; after the loss, and after the healing, what makes your life meaningful today?

I think it is interesting how this changes over a person’s lifetime. I know for certain that my answer to this question even 5 years ago was different slightly then it is today.

The answer I give to this question can actually help me gauge how I am doing with the losses in my life.

There may be no “right” answer for each person, but there is this, if your answer is positive somehow, and engages in life it is probably healthy. If your answer is shadowed with negative emotional states then help is needed. Life should have some kind of meaning. It doesn’t have to be complicated but it should be more than just breathing in and breathing out.

Reach out to help, it is there.

Surprised Myself…

You know that moment when you have a realization about yourself and you stand there dumbstruck, eyes wide and mouth hanging open? And you have to restrain your arm from using your hand to slap your own forehead? I had one of those last night.

The background is this, last year in April I noticed a growth on my face, yep my FACE. In May I was diagnosed with cancer and by June they had it all removed and I was recovering with a reconstructed nose because I lost over half of it to the tumor.

The nasty and chilling presence of Cancer had entered my life.

In the fall last year I got the “all clear” from the doctors that I could go about my life and just watch for strange growths in the future. Great, good, I am one of the lucky ones!

My moment of realization last night came when I realized that my anxiety was high for no reason. I have been running around my life in a whirlwind for weeks moving faster, and faster, and faster until last night it dawned on me I was tired.

It also dawned on me that even as I traveled the journey of grief that accompanies cancer I was having anxiety anticipating the year anniversary of the whole experience. Let me explain that I did not ignore a growth on my face for years or even months. This thing appeared, and started taking over my face within weeks. I think the idea that I felt I was being eaten by my own deviant cells was more horrifying then the surgery and treatment itself.

So this leads me to my point. I am conscious now of why I am anxious, and why I have been a whirling dervish the last couple of months. This awareness, and knowledge means I can work on it, hopefully slow down and wrap up the experience so I can move on with my life without the shadow of cancer trailing my every step.

News flash to myself, you cannot outrun cancer, but you can beat it into remission.

 

Happy Easter!

He is Risen, Alleluia!

 

“Happy are those who have not seen and still believe”
John 20:29

Late night Epiphany….

I just had to share this here too, this was previously published on www.donanobispacemcoaching.com

I just finished watching The Passion of the Christ which is a tradition for me since its release. You can say what you want about Mel Gibson he hit it out of the park with that one. Probably the best thing about it for me is Gibson used the Gospel of John as his main staple for writing the prose. John is my favorite set of Gospels, they seem to be deeper, more metaphorical, more something that is hard for me to describe. The true miracle is that the entire Bible speaks to me as a living word, but nothing as strongly as John’s Gospel, and the greatest miracle is that no matter how many times I read it I ALWAYS have a new insight, somewhere, with some passage, it speaks fresh to me again.

Tonight was no different. There are 2 passages I want to discuss that hit me in the temple like a jackhammer, I can’t believe I hadn’t had these thoughts before, but que sera sera I am having them now. Passage 1 Pontius Pilate is talking to Jesus;

“I was born for this, I came into the world for this: to bear witness to the truth; all who are on the side of truth listen to my voice.” Pilate answers, “Truth? What is that?” John 18: 37-38. Passage 2 we back up a little;

“I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no one can come to the Father except through me.” John 14:7

 

This begs the question; do I know the truth when I hear it? Or am I like Pilate, deaf to the idea that there is an absolute truth beyond myself? The truth that Jesus is talking about is something that exists without me or you or anyone else deciding it exists. God is the Truth. Too many times I think we get caught up in OUR truth, that is the truth we accept because it is good for us, or makes us feel better, or fulfills some need we believe we have; it is also subject to bias, stereotyping, selfish impulse, and all psychological static. So now I know that many times, but not always I hear the Truth, I recognize it when I hear it, even if it doesn’t suit my desires. I don’t think anyone can hear it for anyone else either; this is an intimate discourse between every person and God.

Now the second passage, everyone knows this one, and all the Christians out there are nodding with me, yep we already know that you have to be Christian to come to God because Jesus tells you so, uh, I think I realized something else here… you may not like it…. Christian truth as we create it may not be the same as Jesus intended it because our perceptions are involved. Look at that passage again, Jesus is saying that Jesus=Truth=God. It’s like math, all sides are equal, but we can do it this way too, Jesus = Truth, which means they are interchangeable, so Truth=God. Does this mean that if someone recognizes the absolute truth of God when they hear it, but is not Christian they can still come to God? I believe the answer is Yes.

Who are you looking for?

But he said to them, “Do not be afraid. You are seeking Yeshua the Nazarene, who was crucified; he has arisen; he is not here. Behold the place where he was laid.”
Mark 16:6

Each person has their own answer, but there is only 1 question. Who is God to you, who are you looking for? There is beauty in each persons answer.

 

Palm Sunday Reflections

It is Palm Sunday. This starts the most important week in a Christians year. I always feel reflective during the Lent and Easter season. I was raised Catholic. I still identify religiously with Catholic Christians, but my spirituality is developing in a much more eclectic way. I study many types of religions and their ideas about spirituality because I always thought no one group has all the answers.

Growing up my mother was our church organist. Every year on Palm Sunday she had the choir sing a wonderful piece written and published by a School Sister of St. Francis religious nun. It is called “Hosanna to the Son of David“. It is so beautiful, and when it is done in 3 part women’s voices only it seems to expand throughout the church and transcends into your body sending little fissions of electricity up your spine and down all your extremities. Music that can draw your soul out and wrap itself around you is unforgettable to me.

Just thinking about it gives me the shivers.

Has spiritual music ever affected you like that?

My mom is passed away into Heaven now, and it is days like today and memories like Palm Sunday church that both hurt and heal at the same time. How crazy is it that memories can bring sorrow and comfort. What a paradox this human life is, I have so many questions all the time due to paradoxes.

What music draws your soul and wraps you in grace? It is an amazing balm to the heart when you find them.

“Hosanna to the Son of David.Blessed is He that cometh in the name of the Lord!”
Sister Cherabim

 

 

Sufferings End…

I see much suffering in my current position of work. It seems like each day I have new reasons to be humble, and thankful for all the blessings God has bestowed upon me. The good news is that I am accepting this new-found humbleness easier with each passing day. In the beginning it was rough.

One thing that has struck me as important during this whole process is forgiveness, or the lack there of.

I know this truth through my life experiences, forgiveness is essential to healthy growth spirituality, mentality, and emotionally. None of us are perfect, and so it follows that if we can forgive ourselves those imperfections we may be able to find some peace. The next step of course is to forgive others their imperfections.

Forgiveness is a letting go. It does not mean we should put ourselves in situations that cause us harm, it means that we look for no compensation for the hurts done to us, and we have honest contemplation about our circumstances.

When do I hurt myself? Others?

When do others hurt me?

Can I forgive those transgressions and surrender the control of revenge. Revenge does nothing but extend the hurting cycle. Forgiveness stops it cold. Forgiveness is freedom.

 

Grief is Natural

This post originally appeared on www.donanobispacemcoaching.com

Grief is natural. We all go through it in some way or another. Grief is the silent agony that lives in the aftermath of change. Change can be a death of a loved one, a loss of a job, or the realization that you don’t know where you are or where you are going. Grief wages its war on people everyday, through all walks of life, NO ONE IS IMMUNE. The big question is why don’t more people seek therapists when they are battling grief? I think I have the answer, are you ready?

Therapists represent authorities and imply that we need them when we are maladaptive. Most people I think, myself included, don’t seek therapy for grief because we don’t necessary feel “sick”. Am I right? And that is because grief is the ADAPTIVE response to change! In fact, if someone does not grieve change in some way I would think that response is maladaptive. The Million Dollar question is then, what do you do when you are grieving but not interested in therapy? Find a coach!

Let me take this moment to say that therapy is a wonderful thing, I am trained in psychology after all, and when we are depressed, in danger of serious mental harm, or just not able to understand a biological mental problem, then therapy is where we need to go. The thing is, I think we can grieve or move through the cycles of grief and need a different kind of help. A Coach.