Dealing with Passive Aggressive Folks

Am I the only one who hates it when people are passive aggressive?

If you are not sure I will use an example.

Person A wants something from Person B or they just want to influence Person B’s behavior. They also do not want an aggressive confrontation. When a parent says to a child, “Do this now.” That is an aggressive directive.

The passive aggressive person thinks they can manipulate you by making “suggestions” or “comments” that in effect are to control your behavior.

So here is a good one, Person A says, ” You look tired, I will leave you alone so you can go to bed.”

Now generally speaking the first thing you could think is that person A really does just care for person B. This could also be true, but here is the kicker. Why not let Person B decide 1) when they are tired, 2) if they want to be left alone to go to bed?

Passive aggressive behavior is all over the place. The problem I have with it is this.

People should let other people make their own choices, decide what they need to decide, and then be responsible for their actions.

The more I think about it, I hear so many people complain about the “new” generations and how they are the “privileged”. Ok, but if we are going to talk in these generalizations, could it be that “they” think this way because they have been being passively aggressively manipulated all their lives?

I do not believe in beating children or physical abuse, but is it possible that instead of setting boundaries, teaching responsibility, and self direction- we as parents have aided in the creation of a generation used to getting so controlled and taken care of they do not know any other way?

There is a spectrum of child rearing that ranges from one extreme to the other. Extremes are never good no matter what they are about. I see more and more passive aggressive behavior in people.

Could there be a connection between permissive parenting, the rise of passive aggressive behavior patterns, and the idea of inherent privilege?

Food for thought.

Stress Almost Got Me

Stress happens. Kind of like the reality that if you eat you will have to void. If you live you will encounter stress.

It almost got me this week.

I usually have really good coping mechanisms that tend to fight my stress battles for me and I go about my perky little way highly agitating people who think I live on an incessant sliver cloud.

That silver cloud turned into a thunderhead this week. My coping mechanisms either failed or were too overwhelmed from too much stress on all fronts to really just fix it so I could forget it.

I started getting tight muscles, my brain took over on its own, not letting me sleep by constantly repeating information over and over in this loop of insane activity moving at some ridiculous speed beyond light! Whew.

The stress had me cornered. My face was pressed into the floor beneath the foot of a whopper stress.

Last night I finally just let it go. I can’t tell you when I fell asleep, other then it was light outside still. I did not dream. I did not move around in my sleep. I just konked out and let the magic happen of de-stressifying.

I feel much better today. My clouds are white. They will be silver again soon I hope. That was a close one. Whenever I have physical symptoms to stress I know that I am in a critical mode and need to take evasive action.

The coffee this morning actually tastes good. The sun is shining, and best of all my sore muscles have relaxed into healing. My ears are not ringing. My head does not hurt.

I sent that whopper stress packing.

“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.”
― Jane Wagner

 

Monday- Oh How I Can Despise Thee Sometimes…

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”
William James

It has been  a poopy Monday. I probably should have just stayed in bed, but no, I got up and got myself into a fine kettle of fish.

Today is a good day to hit the restart button. Just stop. Smell some daisies and pray tomorrow is better.

Weekend Realization: Relaxation…

When life gets stressful its time to engage some coping strategies.

A coping strategy is anything that is a positive way for people to relax, de-stress, and find some centering.

I think one of the questions I get asked a lot is how I am able to handle the stressors in my life without panicking, crumbling, or throwing my hands up in defeat.

My answer is coping strategies. I have lots and lots of them and I use them regularly in order to decompress and just diffuse those nasty high stress bugs.

Stress is a good thing. Or its better to say, it can be a good thing because it keeps us changing and growing and moving forward. The problem comes when we sacrifice control of ourselves to the stress and it becomes us, overwhelms us, or just destroys us.

Finding the right coping mechanisms can be tricky on an individual level, do not wait another day, seek and you shall find the power to relax.

What Would You Do If?

If you had absolute confidence in yourself, what would you do?

– be a pilot?

– write a book?

– go back to school?

– become a parent?

– forgive all?

Have you ever wondered about that person you sometimes feel envious of that seems to be God-Smacked? They have this magical Midas touch that makes it appear everything in their life works out, comes through, and ends in a positive way.

The truth is that they have struggles, insecurities, and worries too. Their life is not all sunshine and roses.

The element they have is high self- confidence, also referred too as self-efficacy, and a positive outlook.

I think too many times people think that by changing the background their life will improve magically somehow. They think, if I move things will get better, if I change schools things will get better, if I find a new job things will get better….ect…

I do believe that if we are in painful situations we should change the background, but what about those times when we flip things and nothing improves?

The reality then is that it may not be the scenery that has to change- it is us. Scary, challenging, and completely overwhelming, but many times true.

A Myth About Sharing Feelings…

Have you ever heard this myth?

“If I talk about it I will only get myself in trouble.”

I think too many times people are afraid to talk about how they are feeling, and so they just shut down. The thing with shutting down is this:

If you do not tell others how you feel, they will use their perceptions and make ASSUMPTIONS about how you feel. The real kicker is how accurate do you think they will be?

I think they will not be accurate, and now the situation is worse in actuality.

I would like to suggest a change to the above sentence, it is not the idea THAT you are talking about your feelings, it is HOW.

Do you yell? Do you blame? Do you create an aggressive atmosphere instead of a calm one?

Everybody has emotions, and we all fall into good moods and bad moods, but we all also have a choice on how we relate to others, and whether or not our expression of our emotions brings us cooperation or isolation.

Foster relationships, discover your feelings, chose to be the master of your feelings, and share your feelings in a healthy way.

I promise, it feels better to share.

Weekend thoughts…

The choice is yours, how will you live? What is your definition of a good life?

Risk Factor Meter

This post previously appeared on www.donanobispacemcoaching.com

When was the last time you took a risk?

It sounds scary but what constitutes a risk can be very subjective. In the weather we are currently experiencing a risk could be driving to the store. The risk I am talking about though is one that changes the inner you. Risk taking is the beginning of change, and change can be scary, but also necessary to break us out of our comfort zones.

Comfort zones are very good things at many times in our lives. They provide safety and a place to retreat to when the boat we are in starts a- rocking. The problem is that many times we get TOO comfortable there and we become passive livers. We wait and we watch and we let something else rock our boats. What about rocking our own boats? Maybe it is time to take life by the horns and shake things up in some way. Calculated risks that challenge us to become better people are the stuff of dreams. Bolster your courage and think of something today that is -you- steering the boat and shaking things up.

A coach can help, I can help.

“He that is too secure is not safe.” Thomas Fuller

“If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever.” St. Thomas Aquinas

 

Pull Up the Boot Straps Monday…

This has been a long week at my job. I work sporadic shifts;  things like 7 days in a row then 4 off then 8 days in a row ect… you get the picture. That being said I am in the middle of a 7 day stretch and this is day 5. By this time I need a little boost of morale, a little injection of perseverance.

My job is also emotionally demanding, since I work in the mental health field. There should be a support group out there for us. A place where we can download, upload, and reload our batteries together, because let me tell you, it is wonderfully rewarding but extremely demanding to help those in mental anguish and crisis.

Here is to compassion, love, and endurance. God grant that when the going gets tough, this chic gets going. Have a great day!

Persistence Wins the Day…

I feel good today, because I persisted. There are many times when life seems to get overwhelming, demanding, and downright yucky, but when we push through all that to the finish line we can be flooded with satisfaction, hope, strength, and optimism.

I am not going to break my arm patting myself on the back, but I am going to say, “Good job Beth” and use the boost this gives me to climb the next hill.

Too anyone climbing a hill of their own… see you at the summit. 🙂

“Little by little does the trick.”
-Aesop