Really hear the message and feel better…
When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.’
Dalai Lama
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Dalai Lama
Music is very important to me, and when I listen to music I listen to ALL of the music. When I say that I mean; lyrics, composition, and the emoting of the vocalist come together to form the mood and feel of the song. In order for me to connect with a song and be moved by it, all these elements must work together. You can imagine then, I can be very serious when listening to music and the message the music promotes will be interpreted. This makes me an interesting critic because some people will say that if the beat is good, they don’t care about the lyrics or the melody, and so on, this is not the case with me.
It almost feels like everyone at this moment is loving to hate Miley Cyrus. While I agree that she is in some kind of massive change trying to find herself, and I am not a huge fan, her recent release “Wrecking Ball” caught my attention one day because of one little line. I have not watched the video, and I do not think her current behavior is acceptable, but I am not trying to write here about Miley Cyrus, I am talking about the potent message that the authors of this piece send with the blend of lyrics and music.
The actual authors and composes of this song may have chosen Miley Cyrus to express it for them simply because she is in a place of reconstruction herself.
The line that caught my attention is this one;
“All I wanted was to break your walls; All you ever did was break me.” – Lukasz Gottwold, Maureen Ann McDonald, Stephen Moccio, Sacha Skarbek, & Henry Russell Walter. (That seems like a lot of authors for one song doesn’t it? But perhaps this team needed each other to bring it all together.)
So what do I hear? I hear music that calls to me from my childhood because it feels like a power ballad, almost as if White Snake should be belting it out. I hear the minor chords and I feel broken, lost, hurt, and wondering. I also feel that moment of realization.
I think so many times people go into relationships thinking they can “save” the person, or they can “fix” the person, or they can “control” the person. I can unequivocally tell you… Anytime you think you are going to march into someone else’s private soul and start a home improvement project you should expect to become collateral damage.
No one can change a person, only an individual can change themselves. When we commit to a relationship we are not committing to re-building someone else. We are committing to walking their road of change with them; they hold the map, they make their own destination. In healthy relationships, two people blend their roads and walk each others as support.
I can tell you from experience, anytime you think about forcing someone to drop their walls, stop before you rush in like a bull. Those walls are there for a reason, and even if you don’t understand them, or you think they are not important, think again.
Every relationship makes a person vulnerable. Do you really want to add flying shrapnel?
A while back I wrote a post about having to wait for my experience to catch up with my education in order to build my career path. I lamented that “they” tell us to get degrees and then when we do “they” tell us that we do not have experience. I was upset and impatient about when my next door would open.
Today is that day, the time is now.
I have pulled myself to the next rung in the ladder and I can see more of the distant sun above me. I am looking up only. Looking down is not an option and looking laterally is out of the question. I continue to push.
My message today is that with endurance, work, persistence, and faith in a positive outcome success is possible.
Clothe yourself in the robes of victory and soon people will notice. Develop a passion for what you are doing and others cannot help but witness your unique potential.
Stay the course. Ride out the storm, and ride out the stillness…
I think stillness can be more maddening then storms or glorious sunshine because it feels stagnant.
It feels good to finally have movement. It feels empowering to be validated that “they” may think they hold all the cards, but there is still a trick ace up my sleeve.
Passion gets you everywhere. Positive thinking shoots you to the stars.
You can land on the next rung of the ladder. The view is getting better and better with each step!
Sometimes I find myself in a place of deep contemplation.
Now is one of those times.
I want my life to mean more then what the materialistic world believes it can be. I want my life to count in the timelessness of the cosmos. I want myself to endure through, beyond, and on into the great expanse of existence.
How can I do this?
I think that there is a way for this to happen for me and every other person who walks this Earth. We just have to look for it. We have to ask the questions and then accept the answers. We have to be willing to engage in the dance of life.
Plato talked to us about the Allegory of the Cave, he saw humanity as existing in a dark cave, and he describes people in different categories. Those who want to only know the darkness, those who want to see the light but are afraid of it, those who find the light but retreat back to the safety of the cave, and those who truly go out into the light and take it into themselves.
Is it possible that we today are looking for the same things as those of us from the past were also looking for?
How do we even know when and if we find it?
Is life simple, can it truly be simple?
Does depth of life have to equal complexity of life?
I think life can be simple, and I think complexity relative. I think that it is in my own power to define myself and it is in my own power to discover my courage in exiting the cave for good. I do not want to live in darkness, but it will take great courage to face my darkness, the darkness of the world and then transform that into living light.
The answer to this one is yes it certainly does.
For better or for worse the experiences we have in childhood are very important to our own personal development.
This is unavoidable because as we are developing, growing, and maturing we make conscious and sometimes unconscious decisions on how we view things based upon the experiences we have at this sensitive and critical time.
The most important aspect to remember is that we can reconcile the negative things, and we can enjoy the positive things as happy memories.
Living in the past is a dangerous proposition because it is done. You cannot go back there and change those things which happened or you have done. You can however take back some power in coming to terms with those things, in your own way, that does not allow them to influence your present unless you want them too.
The first step can be painful when you are considering the negative things; that is admitting what experience was hurtful, and really bringing it into your consciousness by naming it, describing it, and looking inward at it.
The next step is to validate your feelings by not judging yourself for having those feelings.
There is an awkward peace that comes when we sit down with ourselves and take a long hard look at the mess in our hearts.
Without this conscious effort these things will continue to influence our thoughts and behaviors, leaving their mark on our present time. They will bring a bi-directional effect and we may not even be aware of it. In other words, we will get what we expect to get even when we are not aware we have those expectations.
There is a good reason that the mystics study and train themselves to look inward. This is because the one thing we all have is the ability to decide who we are, and how we think when we take deep intrinsic responsibility for our own state of mind, heart, and soul.
After the storm of acceptance is past we can take the first tentative steps to resolve the hurts of childhood and move forward in a more whole fashion.
For the good or the ill our childhood is the foundation upon which our future is built.
Previously published on www.donanobispacemcoaching.com
I have a son who is 17 years old. This fact in and of itself blows my mind, but the real kicker is this, what can I do to make sure he has a map going into adulthood that will help him navigate the bumps and bruises?
The answer came to me one day. Help him build a map and pray he uses it most of the time.
The map I am helping him build is in this instance for his career, higher education, and independent living. The last thing I want is him being confused, overwhelmed, and then static in his approach to budding adulthood responsibility.
If you had a map when you were 18, that you built with a little coaching from someone you trusted, would it have been less scary? Would you be further in your goals today?
I would be doing my children a great disservice if I did not use the skills I have to help them build a map. I wish someone had helped me build a map when I was that age.
Imagine a goal you might have and how you feel about it. Is it just out there in your mind floating like a dust moat?
Now imagine having a concrete map you could see and feel in your hands. A reference point. A way to stay the course.
This is the reality and difference between just having a dream and living the dream.
“All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination.”
Earl Nightingale
I live for the harvest in late summer. I hate the dog days of summer.
I went out to my garden and pulled in a bucket of beans and cucumbers and my very next reaction was to put in my John Denver cd.
Do you had music that just fits into certain times of the year? John and I do my preserving every year.
Here in my humble little kitchen the melodies of John Denver float among the sights and scents of pickles, jam, cobblers, cookies, and spaghetti sauce.
At this time, in this place I feel safe, I feel warm, I feel alive, I feel like both a child and mother, I feel a deep and pulsating connection with the earth and the circle of life. I feel as if everything is right in the world, and I feel re-energized to face the next challenge.
Because that challenge is coming whether I like it or not, and it will most likely be a surprise. Let it come.
Today, it’s just me, John, and the magic of the harvest.
Well I did it. I finished my first fictional novella.
It was an awesome and fuzzy feeling when I typed that last word. Now my editing and development team are busy getting us ready for publication.
My publication venue of choice is Kindle Direct on Amazon.
Holy Moly am I still terrified! I hope that any criticism is professionally given and not just derogatory in nature. Please watch for the release date if you are interested. I was also thinking I could publish the prologue here in order to give everyone an idea about what to expect…
“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.”
John Wayne
I just have to say this, writing fiction with the intention of sharing it is scary.
I am working on a novella that I think, or more correctly I hope, is going to be well received by the people I want to share it with, but I just never know.
This brings me to my point. When I write anything I like to think I am sharing a piece of myself with those who are reading it. It is this idea that makes it scary because anytime we put ourselves out there for others to see there is the possibility of judgments or God forbid rejection.
I think this could be why I am dragging my feet a little bit finishing up this story.
It is hard to decide to finish and then to share, but I am hoping to find the courage to do so within myself.
I believe that I have something inside myself that should be shared. I think everyone has something inside themselves that should be shared. I also think that it takes bravery to share it.
Soon and very soon I am going to have to just John Wayne this thing and saddle up.
Oh how I appreciate how difficult that can be in so many aspects of life!
A friend emailed me a series of jokes, here are the 2 I really liked… These are courtesy of Aunty Acid @ Facebook…
Who doesn’t feel like this some days??
Oh and this one! Sometimes it is fun to admit we could all improve something about ourselves…
Beth's Journey 